Swinging Guide, Meaning , Facts, Information and Description
Swinging, sometimes referred to as the swinging lifestyle or simply the lifestyle, includes a wide range of sexual activities conducted between three or more people. Swinging activities can include watching others have sex, having sex with your partner while being watched (both are termed soft swinging), or exchanging partners (Full Swap) and having sex (which is the most common definition).Typically swinging activities occur when a married, or otherwise committed, couple engages in the abovementioned activies with a similar couple or a single male(s), female(s) or both. These acts may or may not occur in the same room. Sex on these occasions is often refered to as play.
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2 History 3 Etiquette 4 Subgroups 5 The lifestyle in film and entertainment 6 External Links |
Organisations
Some lifestyle activities are highly organized. Most major cities have at least one major swing club in a permanent location. These clubs often keep a low profile to avoid negative attention. Swingers also meet through lifestyle magazines, personal ads, swinging house parties, and the Internet. Clubs are typically divided into "on-premise' clubs, where sexual activity may happen then and there at the club, and 'off-premise' clubs where sexual activity is not allowed at the club, but may be arranged at a near-by location.
There are some 400 swingers clubs in the USA and 600-700 in Europe.
To many couples, the lifestyle and the clubs can be at least as much a social venue as a sexual one.
Many off-premise clubs follow a bar or nightclub format, sometimes renting an entire existing bar for scheduled events. This often relegates these activities to suburbia, where bars in large industrial parks which attract a mainstream clientele during weekdays would otherwise sit empty or closed on weekends when offices shut down.
History
According to Terry Gould's The Lifestyle: A Look at the Erotic Rites of Swingers (ISBN 1552094820), swinging began among U.S. Air Force pilots and their wives during World War II.
Scientific research into swinging has been conducted in the USA since the late 1960s. It has consistently found that swingers have better pair-bonds than monogamous couples. The most recent and most thorough study found swingers are happier in their relationships than the norm. 60% of swingers said that swinging improved their relationship and only 1.7% said it made their relationship less happy. Half of those who rated their relationship very happy before becoming swingers maintained it had become even happier. 90% of those with less happy relationships said swinging improved them. Almost 70% of swingers claimed no problem with jealousy, around a quarter admitted to some jealousy but only 6% said it was very much a problem. Swingers rate themselves happier (59% against 32% very happy) and their lives much more exciting (76% against 54% exciting) than does the rest of the population, by surprisingly large margins. There was no difference between the responses of men and women. ((Bergstrand & Williams, Today's Alternative Marriage Styles: The Case of Swingers, Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality, Vol.3, 10 October 2000 [1])
Few public health concerns are associated with swingers. Condom use is universal between new partners. Not only do swingers tend to be drawn from the most responsible elements of society: middle class parents, they are also one of the segments of society least likely to have STDs to pass on in the first place. All swingers clubs have firm policies about condom use and it is only regular partners or longstanding and trusted friends who lay this aside.
Etiquette
Some swingers consider the Lifestyle to be a distinct subculture.
Etiquette in the lifestyle is paramount, and the comfort of all participants is crucial. The Prime Directive in swinging is "No means no", signifying that rejection of a sexual proposal does not require justification and must always be respected. Violation of the ground rules are often causes of immediate expulsion.
In the U.S. it is regarded as impolite to touch without asking, whereas in Europe including the UK both touching and gently but firmly removing a touching hand are regarded as polite non-verbal communication in the swinging context.
There are a number of reasons for this apparent contradiction; one is the fear of HIV (stereotypically associated with gay males), another is that female bisexuality is closer to the mainstream as it feeds heterosexual male fantasies of having two women.
There is an unfortunate stereotype which portrays bisexuals as more promiscuous than average; this sometimes leads to swingers seeking out bisexual females in the lesbian or polyamorous communities, where such behaviour is not always welcomed.
Transgendered persons in the lifestyle are virtually non-existent. Gays or lesbians typically organise themselves separately from the heterosexual swinger community; unlike the swing clubs, gay bathhouses do not target themselves specifically or exclusively to existing couples.
Swingers differ in this respect as they are couples which virtually always play together as couples (very rarely separately) in order to control potential jealousy which could otherwise endanger their primary relationship.
The one exception is prostitution; as soon as a lady asks for money, universally she is no longer welcomed.
If sex is stereotypically something that women have and men want, the number of single females available to a group of people which virtually by definition are not available for a long-term relationship tends to be very limited. For every dozen couples who express an interest, it may be possible to find one single female but up to a hundred single males.
Another movie that talks about Swinging and its effects on the lives of a married couple with kids who seek some sexual adventures is Zebra Lounge.
Another movie involving swinging is The Blood Oranges, in which two western couples, one with children, come together in the fictional Mediterranean village of Ilyria. The film was adapted from the novel by John Hawkes.
Another novel that features swinging is John Irving's The 158-Pound Marriage, in which two New England college professors and their wives enter a menage a quatre with disastrous consequences.
The movie "Eating Raoul" is a great comic send-up of swinging stereotypes.
See also: group sex, open marriage, polyamorySubgroups
Urban swingers
Traditionally swinger clubs have been accepting of all ages and body types. 'Urban swinging' began with Fever Parties in London in the late 1990s and involves affluent metropolitan young people, discrimination on the basis on looks and an upper age limit usually around 35 or 40. Urban swinging events include mostly childless, unmarried young graduates and can have average ages as low as the late twenties, whereas ordinary or 'suburban' swingers events tend to have average ages in the 40s. Urban swinging subsequently spread to Manchester (UK), Norway, South Africa and Sweden but not yet to the USA. The critique of urban swinging among traditional swingers is that it is unethical to discriminate. For example the North American Swing Club Association (NASCA) does not accept into membership clubs which are not open to all. The proponents of urban swinging claim an entitlement to peer-group options in this as in other lesiure pursuits.Bisexuals
Female bisexuality is extremely common while male bisexuality is rare and generally frowned upon in the clubs.Singles
While the vast majority of swing clubs have no place for single males (what use is a single male to a wife-swappers' club?), many but not all would readily admit single females - often at a reduced admission price.
Some oppose the involvement of any singles of any gender in swinging due to fear that they tend to split existing couples.The lifestyle in film and entertainment
The random partner swapping "key party" depicted in Ang Lee's film The Ice Storm (adapted from the novel by Rick Moody) has been reported by someone who attended such parties in the midwest (indiana) in the 1950's. "Key parties", according to this source, were small (3 to 12) couple events where everyone knew everyone else, so all combinations of partners were pleased to spend an evening with each other.