South Park Quotes and Quotation

• "Drugs are bad because if you do drugs you're a hippie and hippies suck."
• "You will respect my AuthORITAH!!!"
  • When Cartman worked as a Cop ("ChickenLover", ep.2-4)
  • When Cartman was Deputized by the Department of the Interior ("Jakovasaurs", ep.3-4)
  • When Cartman was re-enacting General Lee ("The Red Badge of Gayness", ep.3-14)
• "Sir, step out of the car please."
• "Sweeeeeeet."
• "Follow your dreams, You can reach yours goals, I'm living proof, beefcake BEEFCAKE!!"
  • ("Weight Gain 4000", ep.1-3)
• "I'm not fat, I'm big-boned."
• "Sticks and stones may break my bones but I'm Jesus."
• "How 'bout we sing, 'Kyle's Mom is a stupid bitch' in D Minor."
• "I want to get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus. I want to feel his salvation all over my face."
• "That movie has warped my fragile little mind."
• "If some girl tried to kick my ass, I'd be like, 'Hey. Why don't you stop ... dressing me like a mailman ... uh, and making me dance for you ... while you go and ... smoke crack in your bedroom ... and have sex with ... some guy ... I don't even know. On my dad's bed."
• "I've learned something, too: selling out is sweet because when you sell out, you get to make a lot of money, and when you have money, you don't have to hang out with a bunch of poor asses like you guys. Screw you guys, I'm going home."
• "The fireman is very magical. Rub his helmet and he spits in your eye."
• "Well, I looked in my mom's closet and saw what I was getting for Christmas, an UltraVibe Pleasure 2000"

Kenny McCormick

• "Mmf. Mm-mm mmm mm mm-mm."
• "MMMMMFFFFF"
  • Stan: Holy crap. Wendy wants to meet me at Stark's pond after school today.
  • Kyle: Wow. Maybe you can kiss her.
  • Cartman: Or slip her the tongue.
  • Kenny: [Mumbling]
  • Stan: What? How do you know she has a cat?
  • [Kenny laughs.]

Kyle Broslofski

• "You bastard!"
  • Usually said whenever Kenny dies
• "Oh my god! I killed Kenny! I'm a bastard! "
• "Michael Bay gets to keep making movies and Cartman gets his own theme park; there is no God."
• "I just want an erection so I can give it to my mum."

• Cartman: What are you doing in South Park, Jesus?
• Jesus: I come seeking...retribution.
• Stan: (gasps) He's come to kill you 'cause you're Jewish, Kyle!
• Kyle: Oh, fuck! I'm sorry Jesus! Don't kill me!

• Kyle's Dad: (after Kyle begs for money) The answer is no, Kyle.
• Kyle: Oh, come one, dad, stop being such a Jew!

• Priest: Boys, I haven't seen you in church lately.
• Kyle: Well, I'm Jewish.
• Priest: You're not too Jewish to worship Jesus, are you?
• Kyle: I guess not.

• [The boys are confronted by Afghan soldiers.]
• Kyle: Uh, greetings from Canada. Well boys, it's 'aboot' time we get back to our 'hoose' in Canada, isn't it?
• Cartman: Hey, what the hell are you talking about? I'm not a Goddamn' Canandian and neither are you.
• Stan: Cartman, you stupid asshole.

Stan Marsh

• "Oh my god. They killed Kenny!"
• "Bllleeuurrgghh."
  • Stan: How can I get a woman to like me more than another guy?
  • Chef: Simple, Stan. Just find the clitoris.
  • Stan: What?
  • Chef: Hang on, what did I just say?
  • Stan: What's a clitoris?
  • Chef: Nothing, nothing. Forget I said it.

  • Tweek: But, what if when I'm trying to put on the nose, the snowman comes alive and tries to kill me?
  • Stan: Tweek, when has that ever happened, except that one time?

  • John Edwards: But, I'm a psychic.
  • Stan: No, dude. You're a douche.
  • John Edwards: I'm not a douche. What if I really believed dead people talk to me?
  • Stan: Then, you're a stupid douche.

  • Stan: I don't want to shoot the bunny.
  • Uncle Jimbo: No nephew of mine is going to be a tree hugger.
  • Cartman: Yeah, hippie. Go back to Woodstock if you don't want to shoot anything.

Jerome McElroy a.k.a Chef

• (sings in deep bass voice)"I'm gonna make love to ya woomaann!"

Timmy

• "TIMMEHH!"

Mr Herbert Garrison/Mr Hat

• "Sit down! You sit down or you DIE!!"
• "Okay, now settle down class."
• "There are no stupid questions; just stupid people."
• "I just don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."
• "No, that's wrong, Cartman. But don't worry. There are no stupid answers, just stupid people."
• "Okay. Now, let's try to get an answer from someone who's not a complete retard...anyone?"
• "Can we get rid of all the Mexicans?"

Mr Mackay

• "You be careful now, mmkay?"
• "Mmkay..."

Mr Hankey

• "Howwwdy-Ho!" catchphrase

Jesus

• "Leave me alone." When someone at an American Football game, in the row behind Jesus prayed their team to win.

Misc.

• "Welcome to shCity Wok. Would you like to try our shCity Beef, or shCity Pork?" - City Wok Owner

• "So you see, we have to kill animals, or else they'll die" - Uncle Jimbo
• "Hell, everything's legal in Mexico. It's the American way." - Uncle Jimbo

• "Underpants Gnomes, Underpants Gnomes" - Underpants Gnomes
• "Step one: Steal underpants, Step two: ?, Step Three: Profits" - Underpants Gnomes

• "Don't forget to bring a towel... you wanna go get high?" - Towelie
• "I have no idea whats going on" - Towelie

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