Scott Adams Quotes and Quotation
(born June 8, 1957) American cartoonist, satirist
Comic strip & books
- There's a gigantic gray area between good moral behavior and outright felonious activities. I call that the Weasel Zone and it's where most of life happens.
- Dilbert and the Way of the Weasel (2002)
The Dilbert Newsletter
The Official Publication of Dogbert's New Ruling Class
Newsletter 57
The Dilbert Newsletter # 57 (September 28th, 2004)
- Democracy might have some rough edges, but it's still the best system in the world. If you don't believe it, here are some true quotes overheard from the citizens who will help decide which leader should have the nuclear launch codes:
- "If there was a rainbow at night, how would you know it was there?"
- "Just because he's our landlord doesn't mean he owns the place."
- "Wasn't bronchitis a dinosaur?"
- "All old people should be shot at birth."
- "I know that area of town like the back of my head."
- The biggest issue this election is something called flip-flopping, and all candidates are accused of doing it. A strong leader is expected to maintain steadfast resolve in his opinion even if the environment changes or he gets new information. In any other context, that would be considered the first sign of a brain tumor. When presidents do it, it's called leadership, and frankly, we can't get enough of it.
Tip: Place your houseplants in front of the television during the next presidential debate and watch how leafy they get.
- The official DNRC position in this campaign is that other people's votes shouldn't count. So find someone who disagrees with all of your opinions and convince that person to stay home on election day. Promise that you'll do the same. Then use your absentee ballot to vote from home so that technically you didn't lie. If there is one thing that our role models in this election have taught us, it's that omitting important information is completely different from lying.
- Here are some more true tales of Induhviduals, as reported by vigilant DNRC operatives in the field. I am making them more relevant by adding the phrase "And then he/she voted" after each one.
- While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?"
When another person jumped in and explained that the sun rises in the east (and has for some time), she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."
And then she voted.
- I used to work in technical support for a 24x7 call center. One day I got a call from an Induhvidual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week". He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh.. Pacific."
And then he voted.
- So my colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the admin assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving."
And then she voted.
Newsletter 48
The Dilbert Newsletter # 48 (June 2003)
- [On Islamic terrorists…] Like the proverbial dog chasing a car, the Induhviduals haven't considered what would happen if they caught one. For example, let's say they (the Induhviduals, not the dogs) accomplish their stated goal of destroying the economies of the Western world. Is that really a good plan for people who live in a desert and import most of their food? Just for the record, if I'm down to my last potato, I'm not sharing it with a guy who wants to kill me so he can get a better supply of virgins in paradise.
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