Polyamory Guide, Meaning , Facts, Information and Description
Polyamory is a neologism which denotes the concept of "multiple loves." It has been independently coined by several people; one of these people was Morning Glory Zell Ravenheart, who used the term 'polyamorous relationship' in her article entitled A Bouquet of Lovers in 1990. Jennifer Wesp created the Usenet newsgroup alt.polyamory in 1992. However, the term has been reported in occasional use since the 1960s.The ideal of polyamory is being able to have honest romantic relationships with multiple partners at once. Persons in such relationships define themselves as polyamorous, often abbreviated to 'poly'.
Note that the values discussed here are ideals. As with any ideals, their adherents sometimes fall short of the mark - but major breaches of a polyamorous relationship's ideals are taken as seriously as such breaches would be in any other relationship.
Most polyamorists emphasize respect for all partners. Withholding information - even a "Don't ask, don't tell" agreement - is frowned upon, because it implies that partners do not trust one another to handle the truth. A partner's partners should be accepted rather than merely tolerated.
In more conventional relationships, participants can settle on a common set of expectations without having to consciously negotiate them, simply by following societal standards (a husband and wife are expected to support one another financially, for instance). Because polyamorous relationships cannot rely on societal standards as a starting point, much more must be negotiated instead of being taken for granted.
Polyamorists usually take a pragmatic approach to their relationships; they accept that sometimes they and their partners will make mistakes and fail to live up to these ideals. When this happens, communication is seen as an important part of repairing the damage caused by such breaches.
For this reason, many polyamorists see this 'possessive' view of relationships as something to be avoided. (A simple test of success: would seeing one's lover find another partner be cause for happiness or alarm?)
Although non-possessiveness is an important part of many polyamorous relationships, it is not as universal as the other values discussed above. Alternatives include arrangements in which one possessive primary relationship is combined with non-possessive secondary relationships (common in open marriages), and asymmetrical relationships in which 'ownership' only applies in one direction.
Polyamorists reject this view of love, arguing that love need not be lessened by division. A commonly-invoked argument is that a parent who has two children does not love either of them any less because of the existence of the other.
An intermediate viewpoint is that maintaining a loving relationship requires time and energy, and neither of these are infinite resources; hence, while it may be possible to love several people just as well as one, there is a point beyond which relationships do begin to suffer.
Such criticisms are sometimes based on observation of multiple-partner relationships that are not properly considered polyamory. The significance polyamory places on honesty, negotiation, and respect is not always obvious to outside observers, and multiple-partner relationships that lack these traits are indeed likely to be disastrous.
Lastly, the participants' criteria for a successful relationship may not match those set by conventional monogamy. A relationship that enriches the lives of its participants may still be considered a success even if it comes to an end before their deaths.
This is an Article on Polyamory. Page Contains Information, Facts Details or Explanation Guide About Polyamory Forms of polyamory
Forms of polyamory may include:
Some people in sexually exclusive relationships may still self-describe as polyamorous, if they have significant emotional ties to more than one other person.Values of polyamory
Unlike the general case of swinging, polyamorous relationships generally involve an emotional bond, though the distinctions made between swinging and polyamory are a topic open to debate and interpretation. Many people in both the swinging and polyamory communities see both practices as part of a continuum of open intimacy and sexuality.Honesty and respect
Most monogamists define fidelity as committing to only one partner (at a time), and having no other sexual partners during such commitment; most polyamorists define fidelity as not lying to their partners (even by omission), and keeping the commitments they have made to them. Communication and negotiation
Because there is no 'standard model' for polyamorous relationships, participants in a relationship may have differing ideas about how that relationship should work. If unaddressed, such mismatched expectations can be extremely harmful to the relationship. For this reason, many polyamorists advocate explicitly negotiating the ground rules of a relationship with all concerned.
In contrast to some other forms of negotiated relationship (e.g. the prenuptial agreement) polyamorists commonly view this negotiation as an ongoing process, to be revisited throughout the lifetime of the relationship. Non-possessiveness
Conventional relationships are often described in terms of ownership and control: "You belong to me". This implies that people have the right to place restrictions on their partners' behaviour, and that additional relationships are a threat, because they undermine that control. This leads to feelings of jealousy that are usually exacerbated by polyamory.Similarities to BDSM
The polyamorous values of respect, honesty, communication and negotiation are akin to those espoused by the BDSM subculture. (Indeed, several prominent polyamory advocates are also BDSM advocates). Many of the problems encountered in polyamorous relationships have close parallels in BDSM, and can be resolved by similar methods; both groups benefit from a cross pollination of ideas.Open relationships
Open relationship denotes a relationship (usually between two people) in which participants are free to take other partners; where the couple making this agreement are married, it is an open marriage. 'Open relationship' and 'polyamorous' are not identical terms:
However, there is enough overlap between the two concepts that 'open relationship' is sometimes used as a catch-all substitute when speaking to people who may not be familiar with 'polyamory'. Criticisms of Polyamory
Religious objections
Most major religions forbid having multiple partners. Even religions that allow non-monogamous relationships commonly limit this to one rigidly-defined form of marriage - most commonly polygyny. Religious leaders have said little on polyamory, but this is probably due to its low public profile compared to similar issues such as homosexuality. With the growing visibility of polyamory, this may well change.Division of love
One common criticism of polyamory is rooted in the belief that by dividing one's love among multiple partners, that love is somehow lessened. Following The Ethical Slut, polyamorists commonly refer to this as a 'Starvation Economy' argument, so called because it treats love as a commodity - like food - that can only be given to one person by taking it away from another.Perceived failure rates
Another commonly-heard criticism is that "poly relationships never last". While it is hard to come by accurate numbers on the longevity of polyamorous relationships versus monogamous ones, this perception is likely skewed by observer effects. Polyamorists often choose not to publicize this status, either to avoid hostile reactions or simply as a matter of discretion. Such relationships often only become visible to the outside observer if they do fail; those that continue to run smoothly remain largely invisible, and so are easily ignored. Inability to commit
Polyamory is sometimes seen as an inability to make a lasting commitment to a partner. However, polyamorists commonly see themselves as making multiple lasting commitments.See also
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